I Don’t Live There Anymore

I found this place by accident.. Maybe it was not an accident. Maybe some part of me already knew the building was there.

The building is a brick structure, standing alone in the middle of water. It is not broken. It is not destroyed. It is just left behind.

The doors of the building were open. They did not welcome anyone. They just existed, like eyes that had stopped expecting something to return.

I stood there for a while looking at the building.. The strange thing was. The building did not feel unfamiliar to me. The building felt personal to me.

The building reminded me of a version of myself that I no longer visit.

There was a time when I was different. When my mind was louder my dreams were simpler. My heart did not carry the weight it does now. Then I believed things would stay. People would stay. I would stay the same.

Life does not ask for permission before it changes you.

Slowly without any announcement you move forward. You build thoughts, new goals, new defenses.. In the process you leave parts of yourself behind. Not because you wanted to.. Because you had to.

The building was not empty. The building was full of a life that no longer happens.

Once the building had purpose. Maybe the building protected something. Maybe voices lived inside the building laughter echoed off its walls. The building mattered to someone.

Now the building just stands there surrounded by silence holding memories nobody comes back for.

I realized. I have places like the building inside me too.

Old versions of myself that still exist somewhere deep frozen in time. Versions of myself that believed more felt more. Feared less. Versions of myself that did not know what was coming.

They are still there. Not gone. No longer lived in.

We do not notice when we abandon ourselves. It happens quietly. One decision at a time. One disappointment at a time. One realization at a time.

Until one day you look back. See someone you used to be. And they feel like a stranger.

I stood there for a few seconds before walking away, from the building.

The building did not stop me. The building did not ask me to stay.

Some places do not try to hold you.

They just exist. As proof that you were once someone.

It wasn’t abandoned. It was outgrown.